Filling the Void Following Addiction

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The Prison of Addiction

It is a well-known phenomenon that those who have spent a long time in prison can have real trouble adjusting to the normal world. Some may even yearn to be back inside. This is how it can be for those walking away from alcohol or other drugs. Active addiction is a hellish world, but it is familiar. Despite the rational objections, there can still be pull back towards that life.

“At the core of every addiction is an emptiness based in abject fear. The addict dreads and abhors the present moment; she bends feverishly only toward the next time, the moment when her brain, infused with her drug of choice, will briefly experience itself as liberated from the burden of the past and the fear of the future—the two elements that make the present intolerable…”

Gabor Mate – In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts

The Void Left From Addiction

Addiction is a full-time occupation. When we are not actively engaging in the substance abuse, we can still spend huge chunks of time thinking about it (planning, regretting, and anticipating), or getting over the effects of it. Even if we binge, and have long gaps in-between these binges, it can still be a major part of our life. It is hardly surprising then that there is a void when we end the addiction.

Breaking a physical addiction is challenging, but a bigger obstacle to achieving long-term recovery is the void that is left behind. An alcoholic will not only be walking away from a drug but a whole lifestyle. Drinking not only has cultural and social aspects, but it can be a big part of our identity. It can be like walking away from a best friend or lover. Even if that person has been treating us badly recently, there are still good memories and strong feelings of connection.

Facing the Void

Breaking away from addiction requires leaving our comfort zone. This term “comfort zone” is ironic here because what we are leaving is far from comfortable, but it is what we know. Our psychology can tend towards a “it’s better the devil you know” attitude.

It is not the void itself that keeps us trapped, but our fear of it. The real challenge is that we cannot yet imagine what life in recovery will look like, and so it feels like nothingness. Like a swimmer crossing a river, we must let go of one bank to reach the safety of the other. Change is frightening, but it is also the doorway to a better life.

Filling the Void Left By Addiction

What if the void is not real at all, but simply a failure of imagination? In the fog of addiction, it is almost impossible to picture anything good. But once the substance use stops, our sense of possibility begins to return. The mind wakes up, hope stirs, and we start to dream again of things we want to do, places we want to go, lives we want to live. Slowly but surely, passion replaces emptiness. Before long, the challenge is no longer how to fill the void, but how to find enough hours in the day for all the things we now want to pursue. That is a far better problem to have.

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