The topic at a glance
- Drugs donтАЩt usually make us better at communicating, these mind-altering substances just give us a false sense of confidence in social settings.
- It is irresponsible to just expect people to accept the things we say without taking offence or feeling hurt.
- Mindful listening means giving a similar amount of attention to what the other person is saying as we do our own thoughts.
Drugs DonтАЩt Improve Our Ability to Communicate
One of the things that attracted me to alcohol was it seemed to improve my ability to communicate with others. It didnтАЩt do this by magically transforming me into a charismatic speaker and тАШgood listenerтАЩ тАУ instead it gave me a┬аfalse sense of confidence┬а(or at least made me numb me enough not to care what other people thought of me).
I never actually developed my ability to communicate, and the same seems to be true for most of us who have used alcohol or drugs as a substitute. This means it is usually something we need to work on in recovery. Mindfulness can be of great help in this regard:

How to Speak Mindfully
In the playground we learn that тАШsticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt meтАЩ. It may be a nice ideal, but for the majority of us, this saying is more like wishful thinking than actual experience.┬аWe can feel hurt by what others say to us, and the things we say can potentially cause a great deal of harm to others.
It is irresponsible to just expect people to accept the things we say without taking offence or feeling hurt.┬аA verbal attack can cause as much damage as a physical attack тАУ especially if the other person is vulnerable. Here are some suggestions for how to speak more mindfully:
- It is often the┬аstuff we say to break the silence┬аthat is most likely to be harmful (e.g. we might use gossip to fill the void).
- Observe the personтАЩs body language┬аto get an idea about how our words are being received.
- It might be best to┬аavoid conversations when you are overwhelmed by an emotion like anger┬атАУ get this emotion under control first because otherwise you may say something you later regret.
- When we┬аspeak from an attitude of openness and authenticity, we are far more likely to communicate skillfully.
- Check your motives before you speak┬а(e.g. are you being manipulative or deliberately hurtful?).
- Ease up on the self-promotion┬атАУ it can make people less interested in us rather than more.
- Increase your awareness of any patterns in how you speak such as frequent negativity тАУ once we become aware of these habits, we can begin to let them go.
How to Listen Mindfully
I once believed being a good listener was all about keeping my mouth shut until it was my turn to speak. As the other person was talking, I would be having a conversation in my head about what I was going to say. This was a very ineffective way of listening, and it frequently meant I got the тАШwrong end of the stickтАЩ or ended up saying the completely wrong thing. It was probably also obvious to the other person that I wasnтАЩt really listening.
Mindful listening means giving a similar amount of attention to what the other person is saying as we do our own thoughts.┬аIt means being genuinely interested in the words of others so we are willing to give the appropriate amount of attention to these words.
In order to listen mindfully, it is suggested that you:
- Be aware of your body language┬а(e.g. do you appear distracted or uncomfortable?).
- Give your full attention to what the person is saying.
- Plan what you are going to say after the person has stopped speaking.
- Withhold judgement until you have heard the full story.
- Avoid speaking unless it is to demonstrate your attentiveness (e.g. тАЬI seeтАЭ) or to seek clarification (e.g. so you went there becauseтАж).
- Try not to speak right away when the person has stopped speaking as they may not have completely finished (this is particularly important if it is a serious conversation).
Was this post about mindful communication useful? If you liked it, you could help us by sharing it on social media.
Other Topics That Might Interest You

Singing Bowl Therapy
Sound therapy is based on the idea that vibration is a foundational principle of our universe. We can use sound as an aid to meditation and relaxation.

What Saint Patrick Can Teach Us About Hope
Saint Patrick is a wonderful example of the power of hope. Being kidnapped at a young age is highly traumatizing, yet he returned a hero.


The Joy of Climbing Your Own Personal Everest
It is by overcoming incredible challenges that we become better able to deal with life. This realization is often what is driving climbers of Mountain Everest. It is never about life becoming easier, but about us becoming better at navigating it.

What Can Gurkhas Teach Us About Mental Toughness
Learn from the Gurkhas. If we are serious about improving our life, it is mental toughness that we may need to develop rather than just waiting for things to get easier.

A Christmas Gift with Hope Rehab Thailand
If you really want this Christmas to be different, perhaps the wisest course of action would be to seek help with the things that are holding you back. This would not only many a better festive season but more importantly a better life