LetтАЩs Talk About Gossip
By Simon Mott
Topic at one glance:
- WhatтАЩs the dynamic behind gossiping and at what point does one cross that fine line?
- Why is gossip so harmful that it can potentially kill тАУ and what does that have to do with addiction recovery?
- Tips how to deal with gossip proactively
Modern research indicates that people who gossip generally have very high levels of anxiety (click here to read about effective approaches for dealing with anxiety) and anger, the gossip can be a defense mechanism┬аto relieve their anxiety. They often┬аfeel isolated, threatened and lonely┬аso see gossiping as a quick fix. However, engaging in gossip makes them unpopular because they cannot be trusted. So itтАЩs a vicious cycle: Remember the spreading of private information or negative judgments is harmful to oneтАЩs self and other people, thus can reflect badly on the gossiper.

What Is Gossip?
- Talking about anyone who is not present to the conversation.
- Gossiping is a form of┬аpassive aggressive┬аbehaviour┬аdesigned to harm┬аsomeone.
- Conversations or reports about other persons, typically involving details that┬аmay not be confirmed as true.
- Gossip can be a┬аform of stealing. Especially if false it is stealing their good character. If true, itтАЩs┬аtaking away their right to privacy┬аand ownership and a fair hearing.
- Chinese whispers are the most harmful but start with gossip.
- Gossip is usually derogatory conversation and can involve betraying a confidence and┬аspreading sensitive information┬аor┬аhurtful judgments┬аin revenge.
- A┬аrumor┬аis a piece of information gathered informally that is┬аunsubstantiated┬аthen┬аdeliberately perpetuated┬аas gossip.
- Schadenfreude: a Freudian term (German language for тАШjoy from harmтАЩ) means the┬аpleasure gained from the misfortunes of others.
If you canтАЩt say anything nice, donтАЩt say anything at all.
Gossiping Is Human Nature But Can Be A Negative Habit
At what point do you cross that fine line?
No one is immune to gossiping, and most of us have talked about someone who has not been in the room at that moment, and we have also all been the subject of gossip. Talking about others is a natural pastime for many of us. It can be fun, and it livens up conversations.
Two or more people often can form a strong bond when sharing a dislike for someone or something else. Maybe they consciously or unconsciously believe that revealing something negative about someone else will make them look and feel better. Titillation and excitement are triggered by gossiping or making jokes at the expense of others misfortune. Anger and resentment towards someone will be relieved (click here to find out about effective anger management techniques).
Gossip And Rumors In Recovery From Addiction And Alcohol
At most AA and NA meetings they will read the following warning: what you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here. Anonymity and confidentiality are the spiritual foundation of all groups, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
Gossip can lead to relapse and relapse can, and does kill.
Most importantly gossip can be hurtful amongst recovering addicts and alcoholics because the communities are specially formed to provide support. Relationships in recovery are extremely important for our continual nurturing and development.
Trust is paramount; this is partly why honesty and integrity in recovery are vital to our survival.
Why Is Gossip Harmful?
Gossip can badly damage trust and faith. If some shares a sensitive piece of information they hear or think they know, this can be cruel тАУ remember there is a right and wrong way to do things.
Why Do People Engage In Harmful Gossip?
- To have what feels like harmless fun or even a fun way to connect with friends
- Participating in gossip is a good way to distract oneself from oneself
- It keeps us from working on the issues of our own
- If we focus on what others are doing wrong, we feel better about ourself
- People often Gossip with so-called good intentions
- Use gossip in the guise of being helping
- Self-righteous gossiping is a false boost to oneтАЩs ego
- Promotes the belittling of other people
- Can ignite rumors that can misrepresent someone
- A way to hurts others, тАЬhurt people hurt people.тАЭ
- A way to be divisive or too cause trouble
- A form of sabotage of a perceived threat
- A form of industrial sabotage in business
- Harmless chit-chat that pumps a little excitement out of boredom
- Gossip is a judgmental acting out
Facebook has built a business on human natureтАЩs obsession with other people тАУ which can go both ways!
It is a strange fact that people are more interested in others live than there own
More Forms Of Gossip
- So called idle gossip, тАЬover the garden fenceтАЭ
- Celebrities gossip; Gossip column seem more popular than ever тАУ Gossip magazines are everywhere in every language
- The rumor mill is a political for of gossip
- Recruiting similar opinions to back up your agenda
- Building a case in your own mind by soliciting other peoples negative view or someone of a situation
- It can also be a form of propaganda which is the spreading of true or false information to support your cause, however the information is most often exaggerated.
- Black PR is industrial sabotage тАУ deliberately harming a competitor
тАЬIf you propose to speak, always ask yourself,
- is it true?
- is it necessary?
- is it kind?тАЭ
тАФ The Buddha
What To Do About Gossip If It Is Targeted At Someone You Care About Or Not?
First, define what gossip is for you, then with a clear mind go through the points listed below.
- Empathize with the subject of the gossip.
- Put yourself in that personтАЩs shoe.
- Have a boundary like тАЬif the person is not there to hear you say it.тАЭ
- Never disclose someoneтАЩs personal issues.
- DonтАЩt participate when your friends start talking about others.
- Change the subject.
- Say positive or helpful caring things.
- Think about how the other person might feel knowing you are talking about them.
- DonтАЩt talk about others behind their back.
- Imagining how you would feel if someone was talking about you.
- Focus on being more positive in conversations generally.
- Remember the bigger person and donтАЩt make others feel small.
How To Deal With The Gossip Proactively
- Educate yourself about the harm of gossip.
- Address the specific perpetrators.
- Stop negative gossip on a personal level by directly challenging the subject matter.
- Helps to address the key gossipers one-on-one.
- Encourage constructive and positive talk.
- Model the behavior you want to see.
- Think before you speak about another person.
- Ask yourself:
- Is this subject matter true or not?
- Is it necessary to engage in the conversation?
- Is it a kind and caring way to talk about someone?
Please spread the word by sharing this article on social media if you found it helpful.
YOU MIGHT ALSO BE INTERESTED IN OUR PODCAST EPISODE ON THAT TOPIC: тАЬGOSSIP тАУ WHATтАЩS THE HARM?тАЭ WITH┬аSIMON MOTT┬аAND┬аPAUL GARRIGAN.
The Hope Method
Hope has been fortunate that author, Gabrielle Harris wrote this eye-opening book about her experienceтАЩs observing Hope RehabтАЩs program, including interviewing the staff & clients. On our library page you will find HopeтАЩs most pressures recourses, all developed by our team. We have decided to give these Workbooks away to anyone who needs them.┬а┬аfollow this link….
Other Topics That Might Interest You

Singing Bowl Therapy
Sound therapy is based on the idea that vibration is a foundational principle of our universe. We can use sound as an aid to meditation and relaxation.

What Saint Patrick Can Teach Us About Hope
Saint Patrick is a wonderful example of the power of hope. Being kidnapped at a young age is highly traumatizing, yet he returned a hero.


The Joy of Climbing Your Own Personal Everest
It is by overcoming incredible challenges that we become better able to deal with life. This realization is often what is driving climbers of Mountain Everest. It is never about life becoming easier, but about us becoming better at navigating it.

What Can Gurkhas Teach Us About Mental Toughness
Learn from the Gurkhas. If we are serious about improving our life, it is mental toughness that we may need to develop rather than just waiting for things to get easier.

A Christmas Gift with Hope Rehab Thailand
If you really want this Christmas to be different, perhaps the wisest course of action would be to seek help with the things that are holding you back. This would not only many a better festive season but more importantly a better life