“My name is Rene and I’m a recovering addict”
I am sharing about my 12 step based recovery in the hope that someone may also be motivated to reach out for help like I did. I had been a hopeless addict most of my life. I would also say I was my own worst enemy, full of shame and self-doubt. No compassion for myself or others really. Up until now I was a total failure at recovery, constantly trying to beat my addiction. But constantly failing until I gave up trying. I knew Narcotics anonymous and the 12 steps existed, but my self-doubt and belief always made me believe I would fail, so there was no point in trying.
In August 2015, I came to a point where I could no longer go on functioning. I knew I needed an intensive program and I found Hope Rehab in Thailand. I did not know what to expect and I definitely did not believe that I was capable of staying clean however I was totally desperate so willing to try anything. Hope Rehab has been amazing for me and exactly what I needed at the right time. I had been in a harsh world with no love and compassion, at Hope I was shown so much patience, tolerance, compassion and love. Its been a real healing process.
"I had the gift of desperation"
I threw myself into the treatment process or work as we call it, and although there were struggles, I did what was suggested. I had the gift of desperation and I knew that the NA fellowship would be a big part of my recovery this time. I met other recovering addicts who had been through the same as me. I’d had a taste of it in the past but had never surrendered fully to any of it. I was finally accepting the evidence of clean people around me working a good recovery through NA and the 12 steps. Living happy successful lives and thought, I want some of that. I will do what they do.
I am now over 6 months clean working the 12 step program with my sponsor, and they are changing me on a daily basis. I love to get up early everyday and do my exercise and meditation. I go to meetings and I have faith today. This faith is not religious, it’s just a trust that things will be okay. I am building a new set of amazing and supportive friends, who I trust and believe in and know want to help me in my recovery.
"I complicated things for too many years"
They say NA and the 12 steps are a simple program for complicated people. I complicated things for too many years. Hope helped me see things a different way. Surrender, a belief that I am capable of change, and now the 12 steps have given me the faith that there is a power greater than me guiding me through this process, helping me to change and grow in my recovery and as a person.
I am so grateful for my life today, thanks to this program, I don’t have to pick up today. I never had that choice before. I was one of those hopeless cases that couldn’t get better. I’ve learnt there is no such thing as a hopeless case.